In this article, I will teach you how to master everything that’s critical for making your beloved swole mate swoon. Alternatively, if you haven’t won your date over into swole mate status yet, my aim is to help you make the case that you are, in fact, swole mate material. I do this because I care about your well-being. Specifically, your aesthetic well-being.
Every tip in this article might seem like a dating tip, but since I’m anything but a dating expert, I’ll just go ahead and tell you now that in all actuality, these tips are to help the wellbeing of your gainz. After all, I think we can all agree that gainz come before swole mates.
Provided directly below is a brief breakdown of the steps we will go over to ensure you maximize Valentine’s Day (somewhat in terms of swole mate swoons but mostly in terms of keeping up your fitness).
- How to begin the date: hint, it’s not the ice skating rink
- The ideal macros for making V-Day great: because, well, macros duh
- My personal favorite dinner options to keep the (fitness) fire ablaze
- The single most macro-friendly dessert you will both love: so will your gainz
- The perfect bouquet to gift your swole mate: it doesn’t include anything Hallmark
Read on, seekers of swolemates, and may the buck be with you.
How to Best Begin Your Fitness-Friendly Valentine’s Day Date
I already mentioned this, but it bears repeating. Don’t go ice skating. That’s what Hallmark wants you to do, and that’s fine for the average couple but not for swole mates of your caliber.
Your unforgettable Valentine’s Day night of love and passion begins with, of course, GAINZ. Specifically, legs day gainz. That’s right. The gym, a place you both feel at peace in, will serve as the origin for your Nicholas Sparks (author of The Notebook) romance story.
(Forewarning: you will notice that the following section is directed almost entirely at hetrosexual cisgender males. This was not an oversight so much as it was that I don’t presume to know the flaws commonly present in other genders, orientations, etc. That would just be arrogant and rude.)
Some of you fellows might already find yourselves terrified by the part where I mentioned legs day. If you are a dude reading this, that is to be expected…
Story time: Once upon a time I thought the whole “Dudes don’t hit legs” trope was a myth, but the more guys I talk to (outside of hardcore bodybuilders, and other such real men) the more I find that this stereotype is a sad, sad truth.
So, by starting out your date with a legs day session, it communicates to your hopeful swole mate that you are, in fact, not one of those guys. Now, if you’re currently sweating the idea that she will discover your squat PR is less than impressive, fear not…
The legs day routine I offer shall masterfully hide your lackluster commitment to training legs (one of the single most important muscle groups to hit). Just be sure to wear baggy pants. Otherwise we’ll both be found out.
Now presenting, a heartwarming tale of epic quad pumps, striated hamstrings, and glorious glutes:
Lower Body Training for Valentine’s Day GAINZ
Rest times: 45-60 seconds
- Seated Calf Raises: 4 x 20-30
- Leg Extensions: 4 x 20-30
- Leg Press: 4 x 20-30
- Seated Leg Curls: 4 x 20-30
- Machine Hip Thrusts: 4 x 20-30
- Barbell Squats: 4 x 20-30
Now, you may have noticed that we began this particular workout with calf raises. This is for your benefit. Since you have most likely failed to train calves in forever you can now say you always try to prioritize them by hitting them before other muscle groups but it’s just genetics. Your partner will of course probably see through this, but at least it shows you’re trying…kind of.
After calves, you will hit leg extensions. Undoubtedly you are familiar with this exercise—it’s the one you start your chest and biceps day with. But, where this routine differs is that, well…you will actually continue hitting legs after you finish said leg extensions.
And, because I care about you, I put squats at the end. If asked, say the reason is because you’re attempting to shock your legs into growth using the technique commonly (perhaps esoterically) known as Isolation:overload.
Pro tip for those who don’t train legs: I suggest trying this routine out three days prior to Valentine’s Day. That way you know exactly what to expect, and, more importantly, when she shows you up (highly probable) you can use the excuse, “I did legs earlier this week, so I’m just really sore”. Such an excuse will simultaneously get you out of feeling totally and utterly emasculated as well as, more importantly, make it appear as though you aren’t the typical “bro”. You’re welcome.
Last (bio)hack I will offer in this particular section…
If you have any leg gainz at all, then you need to equip yourself with the all-powerful, alpha and omega of legs day pump. Obviously I am referring to the single greatest pump enhancing supplement in the multiverse, PUMP-OCALYPSE by us, Bucked Up.
PUMP-OCALYPSE might not be a miracle supplement, it won’t bestow you with leg gainz. Only changing your ways can do that. But I can say, from first hand experience, that PUMP-OCALYPSE provides an absurd aesthetic augmentation, especially when it comes to the beautiful sensation of bodacious, crippling quad gainz. PUMP-OCALYPSE accomplishes this epic feat through the following mechanisms:
- Cellular Hydration*
- Braggadocious blood flow*
- Strength gainz over time*
Ideal Macros for making Valentines Day Great
A lot of people believe they need to either be totally strict and stick 100% to their diet on holidays. Just as many, however, think it’s totally fine to go hard and eat literally every sweet in sight. Including the stuff that gets put into clearance labeled shopping carts post-Valentine’s Day.
I don’t recommend either way. Speaking from personal experience, avoiding treats on holidays often leads to an unhealthy relationship with food.
I learned my lesson the hard way, ditching quality time with loved ones because that romantic Thai restaurant wouldn’t weigh my white rice out for…wait?! “You only serve white rice?! Ugh! Let’s get out of here…oh, never mind I’m eating alone because my dietary OCD doesn’t allow for socializing.”
I’ve come around though. Unhealthy relationships with food have no place in my life. That space is already filled by my exes, thank you very much.
On the flip side, do you really want to set yourself back to where you were in January? Let’s be honest here, most of us are barely getting back on track after the three month long binge — Halloween, Thanksgiving, literally all of December.
That all being said, I suggest selecting the ideal macros according to your own personal goals.
And, if necessary, practice some intermittent fasting during the earlier hours of your Valentine’s Day (wake until date).
My personal favorite dinner options to keep the (fitness) fire ablaze
Now that we have dispelled the all-too-common myths and misconceptions propagated by influencers with way too much money at stake to tell you the truth about the trending diets they try selling as nutritional gospel, you are (hopefully) keenly aware that, when it comes to advancing in fitness, prioritizing protein is of primary importance.
Carbs and fats can be adjusted to fit your needs. This is great for nailing Valentine’s Day as the following recipe I will show is packed with muscle-building protein, and, even better, it’s one of the easiest dinner options around. Beyond that, this dinner recommendation is also quite delectable.
Simple, straight to the point, and worthy of salivation…
Allow me to introduce to you a staple of both shredz and gainz.
The Ridiculously Easy, GAINZ-friendly, and Delicious Ribeye Steak Combo
I don’t care if you typically abstain from fatty steaks. And frankly, if you are amongst the psychos who somehow think New York Steak tastes better than the marbled goodness of a damn fine ribeye, well…get outta here.
This dinner dish packs protein. And on the side we’ll be whipping up a sensationally simple serving of some healthy greens.
The recipe calls for enough ribeye steak to fit your macros, as well as your swole mates. For cooking fats, you will need some grass-fed butter and organic olive oil. And to complete our core ingredients, you will also want to pick up some asparagus and avocado.
As far as seasoning goes, I would suggest acquiring Buck Seasoning (in my opinion, Butter Herb works best for the steak, and I am particularly keen on the Asiago Jalapeno for the asparagus).
The Recipe Itself
- Ribeye steak (two portions anywhere from a total of 24-30 ounces)
- 3-4 tbsp organic olive oil
- 1 tbsp grass fed butter
- Butter Herb Buck Season (heart’s content)
- Mix together your organic olive oil and Butter Herb Buck Season in a bowl.
- Don’t be frugal, roll the steak around in the delicious season blend
- Stick seaoning_olive oil in tupperware then place in fridge
- Let deliciousness settle in and store in fridge overnight
- This enhances the flavor, I swear
V-Day SwoleMate Cooking Instructions:
- Preheat oven to 350°
- Turn on stove to medium high (closer to high than medium)
- Set frying pan on there, warm for 3-5 minutes
- Throw marinated-in-delicious-Buck Seasoning Ribeye steaks on pan
- Sear both sides until the marble (fatty goodness) is a pleasant gold
- Once searing is complete, place in oven (preheated to 350°) for 2-4 minutes, or until it meets your desired temperature.
Side Dish Ingredients
- As much asparagus as you want
- Shredded Parmesan Cheese
- 2 avocados
Side Dish Cooking Instructions:
- Preheat oven to 375°
- Lather asparagus in olive oil
- Place in casserole dish or baking dish
- Conservatively sprinkle salt and pepper
- Throw shredded parmesan cheese over top
- Slice avocados and set to the side (optional)
The Best Part of SwoleMate’s Day: DESSERT…with BUCK FEED Protein Cake Mix
Keep it real, and keep the shredz/gainz coming with Buck Feed Protein Cake Mix
Buck Feed Protein Cake Mix tastes like a guilty pleasure, but fits the macros of any fitness enthusiast (i.e. you and your beloved SwoleMate).
- Each serving loaded with a workout recovery accelerating 28g of whey protein isolate
- Waistline slimming and low-carb friendly with only 9g of net carbs
- Macro-friendly profile serving up V-Day tapering pf 2g total fat
This year try something new…
Enjoy your Valentine’s Day without regret.
Because when you stay true to your macros, you stay true to your fitness goals, and when you stay true to those, you prove you’re capable of building something truly beautiful.
Buck Feed Protein Cakes…because Valentine’s Day with your swolemate should be both friendly and macro-friendly.
The Perfect Bouquet to Gift Your SwoleMate
Sure, you could give your present swolemate some roses, but if you want that present swolemate to also be your future swole mate then shouldn’t you gift them something they actually love?
For example, GAINZ. Any swole mate worth their squat rack adores gainz.
So this year forego the hallmark BS and jewelry store overcompensation, and give your love a gift they’ll really appreciate.
Give that precious swole mate a bouquet of epic gainz.
* These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration.